Welcome to Generation Z

So I found this on Mia's desk the other day:

Someone pass the sedatives, we still have ten more years under the same roof.
On second thought, pass the xanax...and the sedatives...and a paper sack.

We're off to see the wizard....

Because I can barely keep my head above water with school and moving and school and packing and school and kids and school, it was only natural that Mia get cast in another play.  And so she did!

This time she is a lollipop league munchkin in the Wizard of Oz.  When they called to offer her the part she said, "Ahhh man, I really wanted to be Dorothy."

  

Apparently fame will go to your head.

Andy and I kindly explained that every Dorothy in the world has been a munchkin many times.  It's called paying your dues - get used to it.  

Her first super-long rehearsal was yesterday and as I sat in the lobby talking with all the other moms I kind of felt like I was back home.  As natural as it is for her to be on stage, it's just as natural for me to be backstage, patiently waiting.  

If you prefer driving shiny cars, being center-stage and eating well-blanaced meals in restaurants that have tablecloths, I would not recommend motherhood.  

But if you prefer driving a trashed out mini-van and spending hours in musty lobbies eating your kids leftover gummy snacks for dinner then have yourself a kid.  You most likely won't regret it.

Don't Knock It Till You've Tried It

When I said I was desperate enough to take Bode to see a Tribal Healer I wasn't kidding.  

Meet Hayli: 

She's not exactly a "tribal healer" but she is from Australia and she does practice Chinese medicine.  And in my suburban bible belt world that's close enough.  She did all sort of interesting things to Bode (and then me cause I couldn't resist) and the next thing I knew I was leaving her office with strange herbs and oils.  I felt so enlightened and cutting edge at that moment.  I was all, "Demi and Gwyneth ain't got nothin' on this.  I'm super-mom."  (I think I only said this in my head.)

And then Bode drew this god-awful picture of a demon-possessed little boy and I became convinced that this is the way he sees himself - struggling to maintain his will to live.  (I'm also reading crazy psych journals at wee hours of the morning so that may have something to do with my irrational, paranoid fears.  Grad school is awesome!)

And in other news:

Sometimes my kids are so adorable even I can't take it.  I'd rub strange potions on these babies for the rest of my life if I had to.

*And I'll keep you posted on Bode's progress with alternative medicines.  I won't bother keeping you posted on the amount of eye-rolling my husband is doing concerning all of this.  Just assume it's constant.

Next up, a Tribal Healer

Bode hasn't been able to breathe in, oh, about five years now.  He takes 15 different medicines for this problem so you would think we would have a handle on it by now.  But, nope, he still can't breathe and still ends up on antibiotics and steroids and breathing treatments and steam baths and humidifiers and controllers and new controllers and even newer better controllers every other day. 

Still.  Can't.  Breathe. 

So like any mother I decided to take matters into my own uneducated, uninformed, not really up on the latest research and reacting mostly out of unresolved mommy-guilt hands.

So off to the chiropractor we went.  And we continue to go every Wednesday.

Do I have a clue what they are doing?  No.  Does it work?  Who knows.  Does it make him feel better?  Again, who knows.  But does it make me feel better?  Yes, and that's kind of the point.

I can't continue to go on this way.  Always having the kid that sneezes and sends snot flying into the next county while all the other children and mothers shriek in horror.  Having his teachers give me that "are you sure he should be at school" look every day.

We also have an appointment with an herbologist (I think that's what she's called).  And if that doesn't work I'm going to start praying to some weird looking statues.

Go ahead and judge me.  I can't be stopped.

Mia's still homeschooling the Bodester, and thank goodness because no one else has any intentions of doing it.  And when Mia commits to something, she is all in. She's not above using her toes to hold up props and she's also not above using brute force to convince her students to submit.  Trust me, I've seen it in action.  

And I have told Bode over and over again that if he has any intentions of learning anything at home he's just going to have to take it.

Some days he'd rather risk death by choking on a scooby-doo action figure than have puppets on popsicle sticks teach him his vowel sounds.

And some days I can't say that I blame him.

Forever Plaid

 We saw the best play this weekend and, as usual, Mia found her way on to the stage.  

It didn't hurt that her Uncle was in it and made sure she was "randomly selected."  

Hey, sometimes it's not what you know but who you know that matters.  

Lucas is a great uncle to have when you need to practice for an audition, borrow a wig, puppet, vintage action figure, or an adult-sized spiderman costume. 

And you would be surprised at how many times we have needed those things.  

Observations from graduate school

I've been in graduate school one week now so, obviously, I'm an expert.

1.  You learn it before you come to class.  I had a test on the first day of class.  I'm not kidding.

2.  I will never watch TV again.  I think this is probably a good thing.

3.  Everyone is super smart and super motivated.  I am the exception to the smart part, of course.  (I just have to be a little bit more motivated to keep up with all the smarties.)

4.  I think I'm going to like it.  I may actually love it.

As I was driving home from my first day I realized that it was the first time in eight years I have gone 3 1/2 hours without thinking about laundry, supper, bath time, homework folders, dirty dishes, gummy snacks, pull-ups, and sippy cups.

I realize those are important things.  Perhaps the most important things.  And I love them.

However, to spend two nights a week in a world where none of that exists and to be caught up in theories and hypothesis and debate and philosophy.  It was like floating in outer space.  It was weird and disorienting yet at the same time fascinating and, well, fun.

It also makes me laugh and enjoy things like this:

Because Andy is going to have to scrub all of those off the wall when the realtor calls to show our house.  Because, you know, I have to study.

I'm too busy to be blonde.

Yesterday I had all the blonde highlights taken out of my hair.  It's au naturale, baby.  And it's brown.  Very brown.  And I'm ok with it.  Very ok.

I have felt this urging lately to simplify my life.  There is a lot happening that I can't control so I am going to weed out a few things I can.  And for some reason I felt like I should start with my hair.  

I was going to reveal the new me so I took one of those self portraits with my phone like I see 50 times a day on facebook, but I just can't bring myself to post it.  It's too....iphone self portraity....

I may not have time to keep up with blonde highlights but apparently I do have time to make home-made pore strips.  

It's called priorities, people.

I found this site on Pinterest and, well, the next thing I know I am putting a slimy goo all over my face that smelled like a rotting dog carcass.  And then I let my daughter rip it off and it hurt so bad I swear I was going toward the light for a minute.  

But lemmtellya, my face is as smooth as a babies bum.  It smells like one too.  

In other news, I found this on my phone last night:

 I think my son is awesome.

First Day, Take 2

Ever since Bode's awesome teachers came to our house to meet him Bode has been ready for school.  And I knew we had chosen the perfect school for him when his teachers, who came to our house to meet him, went back to his bedroom to play basketball with him on his home-made basketball goal Mia designed for him out of duct tape.  These ladies rock.  (Did I mention they came to our house to meet him?  I heart them.)

Today, not only did Bode start "real" school but he also turned five.  He was just slightly excited.

 He planned out his entire day and decided he wanted Mazzio's pizza for his birthday breakfast.  He settled for donut holes.

When Mia started kindergarten I was so distraught I had to ask a Starbucks barista to hand me a kleenex through the drive-thru.  Today, my face mostly looked like this:

 Of course I am a bit nostalgic about my baby going to school, but I am so happy for him because he is exactly where he needs to be.  That gives this Momma so much peace and joy that I just can't be sad.

It also gives me time to go to Starbucks alone study and work more.  Yah, that's totally why I'm excited.

And if your kid is still screaming every time you leave them in bible class, and if your kid bawls for the ENTIRE five hours of mother's day out, and if your kid had to have an assistant from the special needs ministry because they refused to participate in bible class, take heart!  That same kid can march himself into pre-k and not even give you a second glance.

Trust me.

First Day, Take 1

Today was Mia's first day of second grade.  In true fashion I had to drag her out of bed, prod her to the bathroom, force her to eat breakfast, and demand she get in the car.  

"Apathetic" is the best way to describe Mia's attitude towards school.  It's really just an inconvenience to her.  Thankfully, she's compliant enough to put up with it and is resigned to her fate.

When asked what she is looking forward to most about second grade she replied, "Nothing."  When asked what her goals were for this year she replied, "None."  And when asked who she is most excited to see she relied, "No one."

This didn't surprise me or concern me much at all.  

She is who she is - a reluctant, yet adorable Oakdale Rocket second grader.

Well, this is happening.

We are moving.  And I need someone to buy my adorable house ASAP.  You can go here if you want to see pictures.

I am a sucker for mirrored walls and terrariums in the middle of entry ways, so after searching high and low I finally found the perfect house.  I also love master bathrooms that look like a Vegas hotel room (and not the nice kind).

Basically, I found a house that is just like me: pretty simple and a little quirky.

In other news:

It's been a big week for the Bodester

He celebrated his 5th birthday with two parties.  

Participation was required.

Want to know what's awesome?

When you go to drop your kid off at piano and she casually drops this line:  "Oh yah, today is my recital."

After you scream in horror and frustration you look around, assess the situation, and ask yourself a couple of questions:

Well, ok, does she look presentable?  Answer: No

Do I look presentable?  Answer: No

Have I at least showered:  Answer: No

Do I have on make-up:  Answer: No

Surely I remembered to brush my hair?  Answer: No

Does Bode have on shoes?  Answer: No

Have I brushed his teeth yet?  Answer: No

Please tell me he doesn't have on that same violent looking spiderman shirt from Wal-Mart that he's insisted on wearing everyday this summer?  Answer: Of course he does.

Do I have to go?  Answer, according to Mia:  OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO COME IT'S MY RECITAL!!!  (She said that in the most calm and kind way, I wish you could have heard it.)

And then the worst feeling of all - You look around the parking lot and see Grandparents.  With video cameras.  And flowers.

Parenting fail number:  I've lost count

Fifty Shades of Grey

I mean that quite literally.    

I decided to paint my cabinets grey and lemmetellya, it started to turn me into a crazy person.  I scoured design blogs, hired a designer, made every friend I've ever had come over, and talked to every paint mixer at Lowe's, Home Depot, and Sherwin Williams trying to find the perfect shade.

One shade looked like a jail cell, the next reminded of 0sama Bin Laden's bunker.  One looked like a cinder block, the next like concrete.  And on and on it went until I gave up, closed my eyes, spun myself around in a circle and pointed at one.  

That's how I make most important decisions in my life.  

Anyway, as you can see, some cool things are happening in my kitchen.  I would show you but I'm too busy eating pie fries to actually finish it.  There will be a before and after post very soon.  It may be me before eating 900 pie fries and me after or it may be the kitchen.  I like to keep my readers (Mom) guessing.

And by the way, I have no interest in reading the book.

I want to go to there.

That's exactly what I said when we headed north for a little getaway with our church family.  {My life revolves around 30 Rock references.  I realize that this may or may not indicate that I have no life.}

We've been where the temperatures were > 40 and < 75 degrees.  Be jealous.  Be very, very jealous.