Raise your hand if you are terrified of the ocean and every time you think about it you can only picture your children's tiny little heads bobbing up and down as they are helplessly carried out into the deep blue while you watch in horror and then you sit straight up in bed in a cold sweat and vow to never let your children near any body of water ever again.
I am perfectly fine with the three little man-made beaches at this Disney Resort, seeing as how I'm slightly anxious about water.
The kids loved the pools. They would swim 23 out of 24 hours a day if they could. (I'm slightly less insanely paranoid about swimming pools.)
I'm a simple girl. It doesn't take much to excite me, and that is why these three little stocking stuffers from my mother (she is the best gift giver, ever) thrilled me to pieces.
*Disclaimer - Unless someone is looking for wrinkly, knobby, dry and cracked hands, I will never be a hand model.
Meet the only measuring spoon I will ever use again:
One side is a tablespoon and a teaspoon, then flip it over and push in the little cups and you have a half tablespoon and a half teaspoon. Anything smaller than that I don't measure anyway because I'm not OCD.
Meet the perfect cookie scoop:
Just push the little silicone part and out plops the dough. It makes a good sized cookie or a good sized ball of dough to devour. It meets all your cookie eating needs.
And finally, my personal favorite of the favorites, the fancy vegetable peeler:
It hooks onto your first finger giving you the perfect leverage. I use this multiple times a day for pears, apples, carrots, my unibrow, etc..
And because my unresolved Mommy-guilt makes it difficult to post anything without pictures of my children, my three favorite nerds:
Kids looking up at big tree. That probably didn't need an explanation.
Bode's dream finally came true...about 50 times (which in this case is fine because there are over 50 different versions of this ride).
Nothing and no one was immune to being destroyed by Bode's lightsaber.
Mia was a pin trading fool this year. It is the gift that keeps on giving - as in, she got a new souvenir every ten minutes.
And no one will be surprised to know that Mia was put in a promotional video. (By all means, don't stop eating your popsicle.)
If you are ever sitting in a Disney resort and turn to that super-annoying Disney informational channel and hear this little girl say, "Disney Hollywood Studios, where I'm a star!" That's her.
I'm totally having her unionized.
Bode always looks adorable sitting on top of inanimate objects.
Another perk of pin-trading? Mia had the confidence to introduce herself to all kinds of people - it's amazing how far out of her comfort zone a seven-year-old will go for a pin.
I promise you that this sweet husband of mine would not go to all the trouble to pull off these elaborate surprises if he didn't get more out of it then we do. Thankfully we get to benefit from his hobbies.
You should have seen some of the things he did when we were dating. Let's just say he has always thought outside the box. That's why I married him.
To prove how serious he takes these little projects of his, check out his itinerary of the morning:
1. Leave for the donut shop / Starbucks (tall Americano w/ one pump of mocha) at 6:55
2.Arrive back at house and get everyone up at 7:30
3.Eat breakfast until about 7:50
4.“Notice” the missed Christmas present under the playroom couch and begin the investigation
5.Prompt kids to call grandparents to see if they know anything (mom & dad will suggest they look for fingerprints on the package)
6.Kids will dust for fingerprints – help them make the match to mine
7.Turn their attention to the hole in the box > help them come up with what might have done it > ask them where we might find a mouse
8.Kids will find “Jerry” in the mouse trap in the closet with an envelope in his hand
9.Kids will find two pages in the envelope that they must decode
a.Page 1 – use two different codes (code grid + a new one): Great job. You are getting closer to solving the Mystery of the Missing Christmas Presents. The next page will reveal another clue.
b.Page 2 – write in invisible ink: The green Jedi master can tell you where the missing presents are.
10.Kids will go find the Yoda in Bode’s action figure drawer; he will have a speech bubble attached that says, “Look in Andy’s closet, you must.”
11.Kids will go to my closet to find three presents hanging inside; each present will have a sign above it and the decoder glasses will be there as well
a.Beatles t-shirt (Mia)
i.Hidden message: Hope you like the gifts
ii.Written multicolored message: This is for Mia. Pretty cool, huh? The Beatles are my favorite rockers! Try this on when you get a chance. I found it just for you.
i.Hidden message: You should take them with you to Disneyworld
ii.Written message: Any of you know who this is for? He is blond and uses a lightsaber. Yep. Bode! Turn the pages and check them out. They’re made with black paper. I think you should try it out later. Doesn’t it seem neat? You will have fun coloring these cool drawings.
c.Sgt. Pepper’s t-shirt (Summer)
i.Hidden message: You have two hours to pack. Love Dad.
ii.Written message: Maybe you know who this Beatles shirt is for. A very pretty woman who loves me and you very much. She is the most spectacular, rocking wife and mom. I love all of you very much. Dad
12.Mia will read the regular messages and then put on the glasses to read the encrypted messages
13.Pack for Florida!
Laugh all you want. I just spent a week in Disney World and didn't have to do a thing. Andy rescheduled hair appointments, dentist appointments, found people to cover a few obligations that couldn't be rescheduled, arranged for the mail, the dog, and the fish to be taken care of, talked to Mia's teacher and had all of her work ready to do on the plane, rescheduled her piano lesson, bought her a new swimsuit, got the kids new jackets, and did laundry at 1:00 AM so we would have everything that we needed.
All I had to do was put on some dorky super cool decodable glasses and read this: Hope you like the gifts. You should take them to Disney World. You have two hours to pack. Love, Dad.
And then jump up and down with my kids and scream like a seven-year-old girl.
This blog is for my children. I have no choice but to document this most blessed of events in full detail. It's about the children.
Last Saturday started off with the most dreaded of wake-up calls. The cry in the night that every parent dreads, the sound that will shoot us out of bed faster than a black Friday sale: The "Mom, I'm going to throw-up" cry/yell/cough/gag/scream (you can't really understand this until you experience it, but it really is a combination of all of those).
And that is how our Saturday morning began...
3:30 AM - Bode bursts out of his room like a tornado and made the above dreaded proclamation. In a fit of fear and dread, Andy and I jumped out of bed, met him in the hall, and dragged him to the toilet.
And the next thing I remember is tasting blood, dry-heaving, and hearing Andy yell my name over and over again in a complete panic.
According to Andy I was standing over Bode while he was throwing up and then I went down. Literally. Andy said both of my eyes were open and each eye was looking different directions and he thought I was dead.
Side note: I can remember fainting twice in my life. That's the point - I remember it. I remember having that dizzy out-of-body experience where I was thinking, "Oh no, I'm-going-to-faint-but-there-is-nothing-I-can-do-to-stop-it-oh-look-at-all-these-shiny-swirly-things-I-want-to-go-to-them. This was not that. This was no warning, no shiny, swirly feeling, nothing. It was just I'm here and now I'm not.
But let's not dwell on the fact that I am probably dying. Back to the story...
So after Andy cleaned up my bloody face and Bode's vomit face he put us both to bed and, knowing what I know now, went into the 5 stages of grief: shock (I can't believe this is happening), anger (why is this happening to me?), denial (No, this is really just a bad dream), bargaining (I will never ask for another thing again if you will just fix this...), and, finally, acceptance (I will wait until 7 and then call the travel agent and cancel this gig right before I go drive off a bridge).
Much to his surprise at 7:00 AM when Andy left for his "very important meeting" we had both seemed to recover nicely. Besides my ginormous lip and a weird brain fog I felt fine, and thanks to that lovely drug known as phenergan, Bode was already asking for his morning milk.
*This is already getting too long and dramatic (but that's okay because it's for the children, remember?). And speaking of children, they are both yelling for me to do something that they are both perfectly capable of doing themselves so I will return to this story another day.
Until then, may all your dreams turn out better than this one.