Tuesday, December 23, 2014

It seems like just yesterday my kids liked each other.

Actually, it was last week:
And then one day I woke up to this crap:

The eye rolling, exasperated sighs, that whiney yelling sound that makes you want to gouge your eyes out with a toothpick, and the ornery look in Bode's eye that just screams "guilty as charged."

It came out of nowhere and it is unrelenting. You know what else came out of nowhere? My new drinking habit.

It's going to be a long eight years with these two under the same roof.

Friday, December 19, 2014

If you're not one of Mia's grandmothers you may want to skip this.

If you're still reading, don't say you weren't warned.

Let's just call it like it is: Mia rocked the 4th grade musical. She just did.

The day before, however, she was rocking a 102 degree fever and a "barking seal" cough. A trip to the doctor and a giant shot in the leg was enough to get her back.
 Mia hasn't napped in the middle of the day since she was 18 months old. I wish I were exaggerating.
Mia's awesome new music teacher:

Although you can't see her face at all in this video, you still get the point - she has a flair for the dramatic.
The best part of every show is all the love you get afterwards:




I can't stop being proud of this sweet girl. This quiet, contemplative little person who loves the stage - go figure.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Clearly, all my genes are recessive.

This is Andy at age seven. Seriously, how is this not Bode?
If only his eyes were open....We had to explain to the kids about the days of yesteryear when you took a picture and had to actually wait a week before you saw if it turned out or not. They were mortified.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Mia + Pinterest = Me taking less naps

Mia has a list of about nine gabillion projects that she plans to accomplish every week thanks to the bane of my existence, Pinterest. 

The only use I have for Pinterest is to find more recipes involving chocolate and the occasional therapy worksheet. The rest of that crap makes me kind of crazy. Case in point: chalkboard signs. 

Anyway, Mia has been dying to make her own lipsticks. When I hear the words "homemade lipstick" I immediately think "worst mess in the history of messes." However, leave it to Mia to handle this project like the little expert that she is.
 She promised me that it would be easy and she was actually right. Non-toxic crayons and coconut oil - that's it.
 Ten minutes later she had her aunts' Christmas gifts complete (Aubrie and Maresa, act surprised when you open it).
I'm tellin' ya, you've got to get yourself a ten-year-old girl. They are the most fun ever.

Monday, December 1, 2014

We ran another race and lived to tell about it.

My fab running partner and I ran another half marathon the other day. These are our we-are-going-to-dominate-this-race-and-we-are-pretty-much-God's-gift-to-the-planet faces.  
Mark's awesome wife cheered for us along the entire course. She also took lots of pictures of us almost dying.
These are our well-that-was-harder-than-I-thought faces. I don't even remember taking this picture. I think I may have been unconscious.
 So, naturally, we are now training for a full. 

Remember this amazing lady? Less than a year ago she had a mastectomy while pregnant then went through chemo and radiation after giving birth with no drugs. Last week she dominated the half marathon:
At the risk of sounding completely obnoxious, I love running. I love the pain. I love the challenge. I love the rush. I love the high. I love all the cheeseburgers I eat afterwards. I love it all.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Bode accidentally got on an awesome basketball team.

Remember when I dissed on jocks and made it known that I kinda hate (translation: don't understand) team sports? Well, the joke's on me because Bode just landed himself a spot on the best 7-year-old basketball team in the greater Jones OK area. 

Once Bode went to school and realized that his friends were playing on miniature basketball teams, I could no longer convince him that playing basketball at 7:30 AM on Saturday mornings was a really bad idea.
 So, off to Jones Oklahoma we went for our first basketball tournament on our first basketball team where Bode played in his first four basketball games in the same day.
 And lo and behold, these little dudes won the entire tournament!
I still find the entire experience questionable and I find it impossible to not giggle to myself through most of the games, but I will admit that it was a pretty exciting day and I didn't exactly hate it.
I'm entering a brand-new world. Watching my sweet little boy play basketball makes me nervous and excited and proud all at the same time. It's weird.

Bode was walking pretty tall the next day. He said he loved it and that's all I needed to hear. I'm officially all in.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Books I Shouldn't Be Reading

I am currently taking the graduate class from hell. It's so bad that the only way I can possibly cope is to read books and watch reruns of Gilmore Girls. Both things are putting me further and further behind in said hellish class but I have to have something to numb the pain. Just talking about this class is making my heart race with anxiety. Therefore, more avoidance...

I am slightly embarrassed to admit I read this trashy little memoir. It's basically all about Ms. Dunham's gross sexual escapades and how she figured herself out. It's slightly useful if you are interested in better understanding these strange people called Millennials. 
The Interestings is very, well, interesting (See what I did there?). I really enjoyed it. Nothing crazy happens, yet I found myself really enthralled with the people.
This book. This book will make you shake in fear. I'm officially terrified of monkeys, hospitals, and Ebola being airborne. Ohmygaw this will keep you up at night.
All humans should read this book. I am now doing the workbook and bible study companion. It's just great.
Every day that I wake up and I realize I am still in this class I start praying that Jesus will come back. I pray that for a lot of reasons, but I would be lying if I said this class isn't the biggest.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Mia's Halloween

Halloween accidentally became all about Mia this year. Mainly because she is so awesome and quirky and picked the coolest costume ever - The Mona Lisa - AKA Mia Lisa. 

No 80's rockstar or Frozen princess for this girl. 

It took a small act of God to put this thing together. Thankfully I married a man whom I knew would quickly become obsessed with the project. 
Somehow he fashioned backpack like straps to it and a little headrest so it would stay positioned correctly. 
And then there was Bode. Sweet, predictable Bode. He dresses up as an NBA player everyday for school so he had several choices. He went with an injured KD. We kind of forgot to take pictures of him. I found this on my phone sent to me from someone else. Poor, neglected child. 
We've all had the cold from hell this week. A cold for Mia means moping around playing Minecraft and not eating. A cold for Bode means no school, breathing treatments, two trips to the doctor, steroids, antibiotics, and fifty other medications all the while managing to eat bacon cheeseburgers for every meal and claiming he's still not full.

I don't need to explain to any of you what a cold for a mother means - you just move on and pretend it's not happening.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Why Children Should Not Be Allowed in Public

In a crowded Mexican restaurant with no less than 15 Hispanic people around us:

Bode: I know all about opposites. I can tell you the opposite of ANYTHING!
Me: Ok.
Bode: Like, the opposite of ice cream is.....snowcones!
Me: Hmmmm.....
Bode: And the opposite of cats is dogs!
Mia, in complete exasperation: Bode, not everything has an opposite. Why are you so annoying?
Bode, shoving chips in his mouth and smacking loudly: The opposite of salsa is queso!
Mia, about to blow up: BO. DEE. Those are not opposites! What is wrong with you? It's such a burden to be more intelligent than everyone else on the entire planet. (well, not that last part, but given the judgy look on her face, I am sure she was thinking it.)
Bode in a super loud voice that every person within 10 feet of us was sure to hear: And the opposite of Mexican is.......NORMAL!!!

Check, please.


This kid. What he lacks in knowledge he more than makes up for in confidence.


Monday, October 13, 2014

So, my kid is a ten-ager.

 Mia turned 10 on Wednesday. It was epic. And by epic I mean it was pretty chill and low-key. I tried my best to make this into a big deal but she wanted nothing to do with it.
 These two are identical. 
All she asked for was Captain Crunch for breakfast. Against my better judgement, I succumbed. She also got this little heart ring from me. Because a ten year old girl needs a ring.
 Cookie cake from Eileen's and home-made oreo mint ice cream.
 Apparently, Bode couldn't wait until he got his bowl. 
 There is something about watching a person open presents that's captivating. 
 Mia had a couple of friends spend the night which means that I got to chaperone a slumber party. I do not leave slumber partied unattended for one single minute. I even slept with them. We all know even the sweetest kids turn evil after dark at a slumber party.  
We played a nail painting game. Whatever you landed on, I would paint a nail that color. If they landed on the remover then one came off. The person to get all ten nails painted first won.
 These two have shared twenty birthdays together. 
 Mia insisted on everyone making their own snack mix and she insisted there be ten different items. She also insisted it be perfect.
 Ten bowls of crap all in a row:
 On Saturday Mia got to build her own birthday. She got to choose everything we did as a family and everything we ate. She chose the science museum, catfish for dinner, Dolphin Tale 2 at the movie theater, and Cheesecake factory for dessert.


If you want to spend less than 5 hours at the science museum, do not go with Mia. It's actually kind of freaky how she never gets tired of learning things.
Best ten years of my life. Also, most exhausting ten years of my life. But still, the best.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Vomit pallet, 2014

So, the annual stomach virus hit the kids the other day. Per usual, it struck in the dead middle of the night and, of course, the first child didn't make it to the bathroom. She prefers puking on soft surfaces like carpet and mattresses, it's just more comfortable.

Nothing will blow up a marriage like scrubbing vomit out of carpet at 1 AM.  It brings out the worst in couples. Or is it just us?

Anyway, after the initial shock, I go into full attack mode. Thus, the vomit pallet. The vomit pallet consists of towels, blankets, more towels, a vomit bowl, phenergan, a water bottle, hand sanitizer, and a clear, lit path to the toilet.

This is the only way to survive. 

If I'm lying next to the vomit pallet, I'm able to predict, with pretty good accuracy, when the next episode will hit. The kid will be sleeping pretty soundly and then they will start tossing and turning. Next, they will kick the covers off, and when you hear the first moan it's action time. You wake the kid and start dragging them to the toilet, all the while carrying the vomit bowl carefully under their chin. 

It's a delicate dance.
After anywhere from 6-25 more episodes of this, you get your kid back:
To be honest, I don't know which version of Bode is more exhausting.