Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Bad Mother 101; How to ruin your daughter's day.

Step 1:  Set your alarm for 6:00 PM instead of 6:00 AM.
Step 2:  Allow entire family to sleep, blissfully unaware of the alarm clock malfunction (aka user error) until 8:30 AM.
Step 3:  Realize everyone is going to be late for everything and lay back down for five more minutes.
Step 4:  Figure out that the only jeans your daughter owns are either slightly too small or way too big.  Go with slightly too small.*

The rest of the steps do not matter - your job in now complete.

*Your daughter will now get to walk in to her class an hour and a half late and have to tell her teacher that her Mommy messed up the clock thingy.  Then your daughter will experience her first public humiliation when at circle time a little boy tells everyone that he can see "Mia's booty"**.

**At this point you will tell your daughter that just the other day someone saw your booty and you said, "Ah man, sorry about that."  Which, of course, didn't happen at all but you will panic in the moment and immediately resort to lying through your teeth.

And don't worry, if these steps don't work the first time just keep plugging away at it.  With a lot of determination, you will successfully ruin your daughter's day!


Wa Wa Waughs said...

Oh dear. Okay everything I try to write in response sounds pretty lame. She'll survive!

Anonymous said...

And may I tack on to R.'s comment: ...and so shall you!

Gena said...

Well, you know how to make plenty of days. Just ask my central-vac'd floors. Thanks for letting them come over today. Raegan was floating when she got home.