Monday, April 28, 2008

You be green, I'll be sane

Top five reasons why I am not 'Going Green' anytime soon:

5. Baby Food: This stuff is gross and every flavor from ham dinner to mixed veggies is bright orange. Every feeding of this mush requires the use of at least 16 paper towels. You call it overboard, I call it necessary. I don't like orange stains in all of my kitchen towels, I only like brown dingy ones.

4. Convenience cleaning products are the closest thing I have to a maid: I don't have time to clean, and on top of that, I hate it. I use every convenience cleaning product available on the market. Windex wipes, clorox toilet bowl disposable thingies, pledge wipes, swiffer stuff, you name it. If it saves me 30 seconds then it has just saved the day.

3. Poopy diapers: I need plastic shopping bags to tie those stanky thangs up. If I didn't, you would be smelling them from your house - trust me. Reusable shopping bags are for people with children who's poop doesn't stink. And no matter what you may think about your precious child, it does.

2. Recycle bin or storage unit?: So all this time I thought the city had provided me a nice little storage bin for my garage. It holds random baby stuff that needs to be given away perfectly. It also holds sidewalk chalk, outside play toys, and dog washing supplies. Try it, I know you will love it.

1. Poop in the tub: You can not convince me that my swanky new bottle of Method All Purpose Cleaner, whose active ingredients are sunflower oil, lavender, and soda ash (what the?) can handle such a travesty, no-sir-ree-bob. I want something so strong that I become dizzy and my skin burns on contact.

"for everything there is a season...." I am going to enjoy this season and all the trash and toxic chemicals that go along with it.


first time mom said...

I soooo agree with you!!! Especially on the poopy diapers. Congrats on running the marathon, that's quite an accomplishment!

Lisa said...

I'm saving this one somewhere for some good laughs in the future. Very nice. Maybe they'll start making disposable bathtub covers just in case someone poops in the tub. Genius!

Tara Hobbs said...

I so use the recycle bin for storage. Never once has it been put to the curb, but it holds things in the garage that I really don't know what to do with. And I use paper towels for EVERYTHING!! I don't think I could go green any time soon!!

kj said... SO need to teach Andy to stop pooping in the tub!!! Gross Andy....the toilet is 2 feet away, come on!

Dara said...

Yeah I cringe about how many paper towels and Target bags I use in a day. Although I will say that nothing cuts grease in my kitchen like my Method cleaner and it smells good too!

Gena said...

I'll take some of the blame for using 27 paper towels every time I come over.

marge said...

hey i understand
i dont even have kids
i have done other things
im not sure about global warming n stuff although i think we need to do our part

Bellgardt Life said...

I'm with ya too. I only recycle what is easy to throw into the container.(it used to be full of Legos) I'm so into Wal-Mart/Target sacks for the poopy diapers as well. Isn't that why God made 'em?