Put a fork in me, I'm done.

I am officially huge. Inappropriately huge. There is nothing left in the western hemisphere that fits me huge. I am officially in seclusion until this baby gets here so if you don't see me for a while, just count yourself one of the lucky ones. My wedding ring doesn't fit and the only clothing I can wear are a pair of Adidas athletic sandals and a mu-mu. Not a very attractive mental image, I know.
I just feel the need to tell you that I promise I have been healthier this time around. I exercise daily and consistently blot the grease from my pizza. Shouldn't this count for something? Apparently not. Emotionally, I can not handle one more comment from an approaching stranger about how I look like I am about to pop. So, I told Andy yesterday that I am through going out in public unless absolutely necessary. And by necessary I mean if we are out of ice cream - ha.
OK, this post is pitiful, I will stop now.

Gunshot Wound

This is what happens when a 2 year old gets a hold of the red food coloring. It looked like she had been shot in the stomach.
It's never a good sign when your mother calls you while she is watching your child and the first words out of her mouth are, "When you see Mia don't panic..." Happy Graduation, Aunt Sisa (Maresa)!

This is not an exageration

Yesterday Mia went 12 straight hours moving and talking nonstop. I am serious - 12 HOURS OF CONSTANT TALKING. I even put her in rest time and could hear her through the wall talking to absolutely no one - just talking. And when she would run out of things to say, she would start talking in some nonsensical language and then pick right back up with the English. I can't imagine what the problem was....I am blaming this one on my Mother who thinks it makes perfect sense to let Mia drink a 32 ounce Coke if she asks nicely. No wonder Mia worships that woman.

Pigtails

Toddler + Very Fancy Tea Room = Disaster

This is what happens when I take my 2 year old to Inspirations Tea Room and leave my purse unattended for no more than two seconds. Both were equally bad ideas, although this picture just may have been worth it.

Attitude In Action

Here is my attempt at sneaking up on Mia with my camera and trying to get a picture of her pretending to be Cruella D'Ville (fitting choice, I might add).

Here is Mia hurling her hat at me after realizing that I was watching her,

And here she is after falling on the floor and having a complete melt-down because I "messed everything up."I didn't include the picture of me calling my doctor and begging for drugs - ha!

I promise this is the last one....

Thank you so much to all of the girls that threw my baby shower on Saturday. I promise this is the last shower you will ever have to throw for me. I realized that a few of you have given me my personal shower (and thank goodness because I use that stuff every night - ha), three different baby showers, and have made numerous appearances at wedding showers where I know you had to be bored out of your minds. Well, I assure you there is nothing left to plan for me except my funeral and I have been working on that one for a while now so it should be pretty simple when the time comes. Thanks again, girls. You really are the best. This isn't the best picture, but in case you can't tell the hit of the shower was Mia's very own Boppy, moses basket, and boy baby doll. I am a little nervous about the idea of both of us nursing our boys together using our matching Boppys (Boppies - not sure how to spell that), but she has not stopped playing with that stuff since we came home from the shower. All of the sudden Father of the Bride Part 2 is starting to seem more and more disturbing....

Amelia Claire Owen

Welcome to the world, sweet Amelia. Since you are already betrothed to my soon-to-be-born-in-no-more-than-four-weeks son, I thought it fitting to show you off a little bit.

Future Mother of the Year - I Think Not

The following pictures are why I expect DHS to come knocking on my door at any moment. I actually fed these horrific chicken nuggets (and I use the word chicken loosely) to my child and yes, I was conscience and aware of what I was doing.

Over 3 1/2 weeks ago Andy, Mia, and I found ourselves at Burger King one night (all this during my 22 day non-cooking streak). I ordered Mia the kid's meal and stuck the rest of her "chicken" in my purse thinking she would finish it in the car or something. Below is what I found in the bottom of my purse yesterday. Notice that the so-called chicken still looks exactly the same as when we purchased it almost a month ago. They have not broken down at all. Even mold can not grow on these things. I can only conclude that there is not one bit of natural anything in these little crown shaped nuggets (that should have been my first clue; chicken is not shaped like little miniature crowns, duh).

I am humbled and humiliated that I tried to pass this off as decent food for my child. The worst part about it is that I will probably do it again.

Bath time... which I must admit doesn't come around often enough at our house. Why do I always forget to bathe this poor child? It doesn't seem to dawn on me that she might need to be cleaned until her hair gets this frizzy, nappy look to it. Which, before you comment to yourself, I know it looks like that more often than not these days. What can I say, she is going through an awkward hair phase that I pray we can both get through unscathed. It is obviously more difficult for me than her. Sad, I know.

In case you are wondering, that Barbie doll's name is Aubrie. As are all pretty dolls with blonde hair according to Mia.

Warning: This is very sappy so you may not want to read it. I just feel the need to write this down so I don't ever forget.

Today in the car Mia asked me if I would keep her safe. Of coarse I said I would. Then she asked me if Daddy would always protect her. I explained that he would and that God and Jesus would protect all of us no matter what happens. Her response: "God can protect us and He also makes sippy cups." "Sure" is all I could say to that.

The Week In Pictures

This is Mia playing "church" (I have no idea why she associates being naked, playing a drum, and wearing a wig with church - I don't even want to think about it.)
Enjoying the slide and watching fireworks at Liberty Fest


Her latest "I'm so annoyed with you" look
This is fairly typical of the terrific trio - Raegan and Aidan playing so sweetly together and Mia off in her own world (I am open to theories as to what exactly it is she is doing in this picture).

Horse Pee

This may be the weirdest/funniest thing ever to come out of Mia's mouth. The other night we were in the car and she needed to pee-pee really bad. When we pulled into the driveway of our house she took off running to the potty and of course, ended up making a puddle on the carpet. By the time I got to her (it takes me a while to get out of the car these days) she was lying on the floor staring at it. She looked straight at me and said, "Oh my word, my pee-pee is in the shape of a horse."

It took me a while to convince her that we could not leave it there until Daddy got home so he could see it, so she settled on a picture instead. Here it is for your viewing pleasure:

Now if she could just pee in the shape of the Virgin Mary we could sell it on e-bay and pay for college.