Sunday, April 25, 2010

An Exegesis. Well, not technically but I like that word so I'm using it.

There is something in me that needs to come out. Believe me, I’m just as confused by this statement as you are (or at least as my husband is). It’s weird.  I can’t explain it.  But it’s as real to me as life and breath and children and food.  

The only problem is I can’t put my finger on it.
 
It’s this creative feeling that I can’t put into words yet it drives me to write drafts that I will never post and spend hours dreaming that I am in a field of flowers with an easel and a huge canvas creating a masterpiece that would make Monet or Renoir weep in admiration and appreciation.
 
This deep tugging feeling is also feeding my latest obsession to move to the country and grow a huge garden and milk cows and run in fields of clover.  Never mind I haven’t the foggiest clue about gardens, or cows or clover.
 
Lately I’ve been brought to tears by beautiful essays that I’ve read on blogs or cute little pieces of inspirational art on Etsy.  
 
And no, I’m not pregnant.  Crazy? Maybe.  Pregnant? Not a chance.
 
And then it hit me: This must be the Holy Spirit because if it’s not then I’m a narcissistic wannabee hippie.
 
It
has to be the Holy Spirit.
 
So for now I will pray, and study, and wait, and listen, and hope, and anticipate.
 
And today, with the help of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit I will run my first marathon.  
 
It’s a step in my journey to satisfy this weird urge and longing that I can’t quite figure out but am thankful for all the same.  I’m thankful because it has given me the courage to train for this day and I know (okay, I hope and pray) it will give me the courage to finish.
 
So, here’s to the Holy Spirit and the work the Lord is doing in my life.  I am open to whatever the Lord brings.  It has taken me over a year to have the nerve to type this sentence and I type it with trembling fingers but it’s time:
 
I am yours, Lord. Use me.

11 comments:

Gena said...

That's beautiful, Sum. I am proud to call you my friend. You are going to do wonderfully this morning. You have God and Neil by your side.....what more could a girl ask for? By this time, you're surely down to only 19 miles. You can do it!

Kayla said...

That was beaufiful...and well. I hope you are still alive right now. I'd be in the hospital on oxygen and morphine if it was me.

Andrea said...

You are an amazing instrument for Him, and as Gena said, I am proud to call you my friend. You are such an encouragement to me and I know the Father must have a wonderful plan laid in store for you to be molding you in such a powerful way. I can't wait to see what that journey is for you!

Heidi said...

It was GREAT to cheer you on today. I was soooo proud to see you at the finish- and you looked so happy and strong. WAY TO GO! Really inspired me to press on with my goals which are less lofty- but very real right now; stay committed to my marriage, provide stability for my family, and teach my kids about the Lord.

D's Mom said...

GOOD for you in being open to how God wants to use you for His plans.....more of us should be seeking and praying to better understand His will for our lives.

And congrats on the marathon! Very very impressive!

Lita said...

Well said. And I soooo know the feeling. But alas, I have not had the courage to make my trembling fingers type the words.

julie said...

You really put that beautifully. I hope your marathon went well. That is quite an achievement! I'm lucky if I can run to the mailbox and back most days.

Natalie Hudkins said...

Very well put!

Lisa said...

Love the post - I needed that. And I hope everything went great yesterday...congrats!

BertR25596 said...

Nice Post~!!!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

ann said...

You rocked the marathon! You finished so strong! Very proud of you!