Why I spent 19 hours in a car the past two days:

To spend time with these precious people and celebrate the life of a wonderful man .Bart, I see all the wonderful qualities of your father in you. He left you a precious legacy. (I'm virtually certain you don't read this blog but just in case...)

And meeting these adorable little twins wasn't a bad reason either.

Dear Bode, People would like you more if you didn't cry so much.

It may sound harsh but it's true.

Bode, we love you. We will always love you because we are your parents and we created you and all. But Sonshine School Teachers, well, they don't have to love you, son. They did not create you or give birth to you or anything like that. They just get paid to keep you happy for 5 hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays and you are making their job too difficult and they are probably realizing that they don't get paid enough to deal with you and now they are going to demand a raise and then everything is going to fall apart. Not really, but still.

I just got off the phone with the sweet SSS director lady and I told her to throw down on you. This is your heads up, darling. Either shape up or we are going to have to ship you out. And we need a break from you too so please don't choose the latter.

You are so cute but your teachers can't see your cuteness for all the snot and tears and swollen eyes and stuff. At least dry it up long enough for them to notice the cute little vintage t-shirts I dress you in, for heaven's sake.

Love,

Mom

Feel the love...

Why we got swine flu:

Me: What's in your mouth?
Mia: a dime
Me: Where did it come from?
Mia: the parking lot

Little Punk...

...Rocker. He has his drumsticks with him at all times....except bed. I learned that the hard way.

"My dum-sick!"

He's armed and dangerous.

The swine flu is over, done, finished. We are emerging from captivity this weekend, probably with drumsticks.

Day 3, Day 3...

...swine flu gives you energy.

Apparently nothing can keep this girl down. She sang show tunes at the top of her lungs in the rain tonight.

And the TV was officially turned off when Mia started saying things like, "Mommy, you have got to get this new bra with a wire thing," and "Oh my goodness, Mom, there is this cleaning thingy that gets in hard to reach places."

It dawned on me that Mia has never really seen commercials in her entire life thanks to DVR. She only watches two things and they are both always pre-recorded. Today officially justified the COX DVR bill. I will never question it again, Honey. That's a promise.

Day 2, Day 2...

...it's still just fever with swine flu. (If you have ever taught in the preschool department at MRCC you will be humming that tune all day long now. Sorry.)So we traded in the 103.5 for a 101.9. Still no other symptoms besides complete boredom and occasional slushie cravings.

I, on the other hand, had no time to be bored between the 5 loads of laundry on hot with bleach, boiling medicine droppers, sippy cups, and anything else I think Mia so much as looked at multiple times a day, throwing out toothbrushes, toothpaste, and mouthwash and replacing them with individually labeled travel sizes for each family member, and getting stoned on Lysol and anti-bacterial hand gel.

It's a glamorous life.

An open apology

Dear Family and Friends and any other random people I may have breathed on the past week,


Now that I have tested positive for H1N1 I can say with confidence that at any moment you should expect to come down with a huge fever, have the shakes, be completely lifeless and basically feel like you have been hit by a semi.

Here's the good news: you can guarantee that you're annoying little brother will get it next.


All my love (and germs),

Mia

P.S. If you look like this, come on over to my house and my mom will wait on you hand and foot to ease the guilt she has for allowing me to expose so many people to a flu that originated from pigs. Gross.


Honestly, I never let on in the slightest that I was feeling bad until I broke out in a huge fever so how could she have known? She is my mother and she should have some sort of second sense about these things and not send me to art class and Raegan's house and let me play with my 5 month old cousin. That crazy expensive Tamaflu purchase will teach her.

This is the way we go to school...

...every Tuesday and Thursday morning. That look on Bode's face says it all.

"How you like them apples?"Mia took apples and sonic drinks to her teachers. Bode held two apples ALL DAY LONG and wouldn't hear of giving them to his teachers. That picture was taken on the way home from school. He knew he was never in contention for the favorite student award so why try.

The end of summer

Mia's not happy about it.

Precious. Simply precious. After last night Mia said, "Mommy, Judy is my aunt because I love her so much."

I love her too. And to end summer as we know it, I give you: a cr0tch shot. Now if that doesn't scream proper lady, I don't know what does (at least it's my swimsuit).

Just call me Brittney.

Wait, don't.

Road trip with Dad

Mia came home with a pet worm named "Jack-Sat-Rat" (the?) and Bode came home with multiple head wounds from an unfortunate tumble down a slide.

Me shrieking in horror: What on earth happened to Bode's head? He looks like he just returned from the Battered Baby Shelter.
Andy: That's what happens when I take them on a road trip without you. It may not be worth me doing this again.
Me: I think the head wounds are adorable.

So long, farewell, auf weidersehen, good-bye

Andy surprised me and took the kids away for the weekend.

This means me, at home, alone for the first time in five years.

And what am I doing? Blogging about my family.

I've got a real problem.

Two words: P Dub

Or is it really one with a hyphen? Who cares?

Take a good look at this adorable little OC student:

This is Kayla Saffell. Sweet, precious, fun, creative, everything you would want your daughter to be in college, Kayla is. And more.

And here's the more: She just won a weekend trip to the Pioneer Woman's ranch. Let me say that again so it will sink in. She. Just. Won. A. Weekend. Trip. To. The. Pioneer. Woman's. Ranch.

As in, slumber party at Ree Drummond's house.

As in, I kind of want to tie her up, steal her identity, and let P-Dub tell me all her secrets over hot cinnamon rolls while sitting on her newly renovated back porch overlooking the ranch while Marlboro Man and all the other hot cowboys rope cows or whatever they do.

As in, at the very least I may tailgate her all the way there and hide in some bushes with an afro wig and binoculars.

I am so happy for you, Kayla. Really I am. I couldn't be happier that you get to stay at the ranch, learn all of her cooking secrets, be featured on her blog read by millions of desperate women everywhere, see Marlboro Man's butt in those jeans up close and personal, tour the ranch, and eat wonderful food made with real butter. I am not jealous at all. I am just one of those gals who is happy that you get to live my dream. Simply thrilled.

Congratulations, Kayla! I can't wait to hear all about it (only if I can eat a cinnamon roll or ten while you tell me every detail).