e-mail from my sis about the "honeymoon from hell"

And just to clarify, she checked her birth control but carried on all her designer shoes...genius.

as you all know, Jeff and i were married last Saturday and went on a cruise! well, the weather on Saturday was so bad that our flight was cancelled. note to self: anytime an airline tells you that the weather is too bad to send up a Boeing 747 but another airline is still willing to send up a 60-seater prop plane, pass on that. so, before boarding this prop plane, Jeff and i were randomly selected for body searches where we were taken into separate rooms and got the full body pat down (not too bad) but then they went through my purse and ripped out the lining looking for god knows what but we survived. the flight to Denver was horrid. of the 38 people on board at least 34 of us were in tears the entire time. there was lightening and all kinds of stuff tossing the little plane around. the captains voice kept coming over the speaker either telling the flight attendants to stand by or telling them to sit down and buckle up. we were scared. everyone was. and to add insult to injury the man in front of us was so nervous that he kept passing massive amounts of gas. anyway we landed in Denver 10 minutes after our connecting flight was set to leave. we took off running through the airport as fast as we could with my husband trying to run on his crippled foot when he completely blew out his knee. (yes we are looking at knee surgery probably sometime this year). well we get to the gate as they're closing it and they let us on and we're off to miami. we land in miami about 1:00 am. we're exhausted, hungry, etc....and we go to get our luggage and of course there is no luggage for us. not one bag. nothing. airlines are so screwey about what they let you carry on that we checked everything so we wouldn't have to mess with it. we didn't have toothbrushes. nothing. we file a claim and get a cab to take us to our hotel - which we are still looking forward to by the way because we got the big fancy suite etc,etc. we get to our hotel and it looks nice and while we were checking in i asked the man at the front desk for some complementary toothbrushes. he said they had none (first clue). we get to our room and our so-called business suite was one step up from a cardboard box under a bridge. there wasn't even a fitted sheet on the mattress. the toilet didn't flush. the headboard was a mirror that had body prints all over it. sick. we were less than thrilled but tried to look forward to the morning when we could go to the boat and deal with the luggage issue. we leave the next morning (bad breath and all) and hail a cab to take us to the port. while sitting in the back we see this awful lighter that had a pair of girls boobs on it and im not sure why, maybe we were just that desperate for a possession but we swiped it. we've since decided to save it just as a reminder. we see a target and stop and get a few essentials to get us by until we can get our bags and we're off to the boat. the cruise ship was amazing. it was breath-taking and we are beginning to not feel so low. of course we had to stand in line with all these people with clean hair and freshly washed faces and we gave them all dirty looks with my yesterday's make up and dragon breath. but we are feeling better being on the boat.....that is until i start feeling a little queasy. sea sick i was not. the stomach virus hit me hard. within the first 2 hours of boarding i am very very ill. i had to be taken by wheelchair twice to the infirmary where each time i received a shot in the buttock of choice (took one in each cheek in case you were wondering) and jeff won husband of the year as he held the puke bucket for me while i was sitting on the pot having you know what. (not the type of sounds you want your husband of 36 hours to hear). we ended up being quarantined to our room from sunday to the end of tuesday night because the ship cant have a virus running loose. so while everyone on the ship was eating and drinking too much while getting sunburned, jeff and i were locked in our room covered in the lonely stinch of defeat. so we lost 3 days. but in the end 2 of our bags made it to san juan and we picked them up. we got our hanging bag with formal clothes and the bag with all hair products and makeup but we never got any clothes. and let me be the first to tell you that stuff is important. you know the saying about possessions "at the end of the day its only stuff"? i will be the first to correct you. stuff matters. after 72 hours with nothing stuff is very, very important. be good to your stuff, talk to it, talk about it. you just never know what it means until you are sitting in the back of a hot stinky cab clinging to a boobie lighter. so i must appologize to our friends and family for our lack of souvenirs for you because all of our extra money went to tee-shirts that say carnival cruise all over them - aka our new summer wardrobes. in the end the trip was amazing and we can't wait to go again. once we were back on usa soil (yesterday) we came home to the news that my grandfather had passed away while we were gone.
we are very glad to be back and hope that all of you had a wonderful week ! we love you all and cant wait to hear back from you!

The one and only
Jeff and Marea Wade