Tagged by DeeDee and Tara

The Rules: Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog. Share 5 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog or blah, blah, blah.....who really reads this part anyway.

Random/Weird facts about me:

1. This is why I can not bring myself to cook out of my new Deceptively Delicious cookbook:

I just can't stomach the thought of coating my chicken strips or mixing my pancakes with this.

2. I just realized that the top heating element on my oven has been out for the past 2 1/2 years - that is how much I cook (Could someone remind me why I had to have the aforementioned cookbook?).

3. I use parentheses way too much (I can't help it, I love them).

4. I love throwing things away. I've been known to throw away gift sacks and books (gasp).

5. My pet peeve is when people say I's. There is no such word. "Andy and I's" doesn't make any sense. It is supposed to be "Andy's and my." Think about it people. I will issue a disclaimer here and say that I am by no means a grammar expert. Andy reminds me fairly often that this is just the one rule I happen to know so I like to flaunt it. He happens to be correct.

Sigh

Mia: I love you.
Me: I love you too.
Mia: You are so pretty, Mommy.
Me (with heart all a-flutter): Do you want to go to Starbucks? It's on me this time.

I will worship at the feet of anyone who thinks this is pretty. Of course I am referring to myself, not her. Give me a little credit, people.

Escape Artist

Dentally Challenged (or just lazy)

Why can't I just commit to going to the dentist regularly and taking my family like a normal responsible mother? It is just one of those things on my to-do list that I keep ignoring. It's not that I don't like the dentist. I like him just fine so long as he dopes me up on that wonderful happy gas. In fact, I like everyone when I am breathing in those glorious vapors. But back to the point. Before all of you perfect dentist visiting mothers out there gasp in horror (it's too late isn't it) I assure you I will get around to taking my child to the dentist at some point. I sure better because I am paying a ridiculous amount of money for this so-called dental insurance. Apparently I get 0.0001% off of all of my dental visits for the low price of $89 a month. Don't be jealous.
So I am going to continue putting this chore off a few more weeks while my daughters teeth rot out of her head. Now if I could just talk the dentist into giving me some gas while he cleans Mia's teeth....

Vomit Soup

Here is a recipe created by Mia. Follow it closely and I assure you the pounds will just fall off.

1 handful dry pinto beans
1 handful dry navy beans
2 handfuls Cheerios
1 handful dry spaghetti noodles
5 old ketchup packages from the KFC/A&W combo restaurant
6 old mustard packages from the KFC/A&W combo restaurant
23 pennies
16 nickles
8 dimes
2 cups of water
1/2 cup liquid hand soap
3 pumps of antibacterial hand gel

Stir ingredients together. Let sit overnight until all liquid is absorbed. Pretend like you are taking a bite so that your three year old will shut-up about it and let you throw it away. Accidentally get some in your mouth. Run to bathroom and throw up. Come back and try and convince three year old to move on to another fun game. Accidentally smell it again. Return to bathroom....Repeat.

Now if this won't help you shed those holiday pounds nothing will.

5 months

Stairseen Part 2

This morning when I asked Mia why she cut Stairseen's hair off she replied, "Because she is going to my party with the orange monkey and Mary Poppins and Burt just came right on in and Bob Lightyear was there too and then I stole something really dangerous it was like a cricket or something." Who can argue with that?

Stairseen isn't the only one with hair issues.

Me like bald babies.

This can't be good

Let's just say Stairseen Oklahoma Linda has seen better days.

(Her name is a Mia original. And yes, that first name is pronounced Stair-seen. Don't ask.)

This one's for you, Gena

Bikini Boot Camp quote of the day: "You know you are doing it right when you feel it in your crack."

I was considering doing some before and after shots of our fabulous bikini team on this blog, but I am guessing that no one wants to see our cracks, no matter how toned they are.

Do I have to leave my insane toddler and nonsleeping 4 month-old for a weekend of pampering and shopping? Oh the humanity!But if you insist...Dallas is great, shopping is greater, and uninterrupted sleep is the greatest of all. And in case you are a little confused; I am the slightly frumpy, pasty white, frazzled looking one on the right. The other one is my well rested, well tanned, and well groomed sister who is obviously not a mother.

I love Europe

And I especially love my fabulous brother and sister-in-law who go there for two weeks and bring back all these awesome clothes for my kids. Thanks guys. You can go back anytime so long as you leave all your things behind and stuff your bags to the exact weight limit with amazing gifts for me and my kids when you return. BTW - I survived my first week of bikini boot camp. If you want to feel like your dying a slow and painful death in an illegal prison torture kind of way then I would recommend it.

Bikini Boot Camp (or in my case very conservative one-piece)

Day One: weigh in 5:40 AM, strength training 6-7 AM

I think I just threw up in my mouth...

Ashley's quote of the day, "That last set may have been worse than labor."

So we all survived, although at one point I swear I was going towards the light. The only person that almost didn't survive was Bode who was screaming his head off when I walked in the door. When I got to his room his sheet and bumper pad were covered in saliva and snot. And guess who was in the next room snoring away? Not me.

I never claimed to be perfect

So this is what I found sitting on the washing machine when I ran back inside my house to grab my cell phone:

Yes, that would be my kid. I was rushing out the door this morning to get Mia to her play date and as I was backing out of the driveway I realized that I left my cell phone on the kitchen counter. So, I raised the garage door, threw the car in park, and ran back inside to grab it. And there sat poor Bode just staring at me with this cute little grin on his face. I may not be a fit mother, but I could sure could work for a cell phone company: "Save your kid, get a phone."

On another note, bikini boot camp starts tomorrow. Expect lots of posts.....and lots of whining.

Having to choose only one thing to sleep with at night, oh the horror. If Mia needs 32 beanie babies, 28 Disney figurines, one Madeline doll, one Sleeping Beauty Barbie, and two sippy cups to go to sleep, then by all means she can have them.

"The Bodester," as Mia now affectionately calls him (that is, when she is feeling affectionate towards him which is about 30 seconds out of every day).

Oh who are the people in your neighborhood?

The other day Mia was singing this song in the bathtub and all of the sudden I hear "Oh the devil is a person in your neighborhood." At the time I never realized that she was talking about me.

Last night while the rest of my family was at the MRCC New Year's party I was at home hugging the toilet and sleeping on the bathroom floor (And no, I was not hung over, I am a proper ministers wife after all. I am hung over now though, but I promise it is just from the vomit and the drugs....must find more drugs...)

Okay, I'm back.

Some time in between sleep and vomiting I heard girls yelling "Help" over and over again. Then, like any person on lots of drugs, I started imagining a Dateline Special. All I could think about was the part on the show where they talk about the woman who was home with the stomach virus and heard screams but did nothing about it. So, what do I do? I dial 9-1-1. I tell them that I hear girls yelling "help" and could someone please go to my neighbors house and check it out.

Just an FYI for both of my fans out there: "Help" and "Hope" (the 6th grade girl who had her friends over for a slumber party) sound a lot alike when you have taken pain killers and three doses of phenergan. And to the Edmond police who raided the slumber party, thanks for responding so quickly and thoroughly to my call. And thanks especially for ratting me out to Hope's parents. What ever happened to remaining anonymous?

If anyone is interested in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath, with over sized playroom give me a call. I expect the HOA to ask us to leave at any moment.