Monday, February 8, 2010

I hate teeth....and running...and food I can't eat

9:00 AM -11:00 AM - Run 10 miles. Feel smugly superior to all non-runners in the universe
12:00 PM - one of my lovely molars falls out of my head in pieces. Feel sort of stupid and white trash but am still feeling awesome about the run and am ready to eat a celebratory meal full of fats and carbs.

A few minutes later - Take a drink and scream.

1:00 PM - Pain
2:00 PM - see above
3:00 PM - see above
4:00 PM - see above
5:00 PM - Pain mixed with feelings of starvation and dehydration (ok, that might be a bit of an exaggeration. Or it might not).
6:00 PM - see above
7:00 PM - see above
8:00 PM - see above
9:00 PM - see above
10:00 PM - Pain but am so thirsty I try to take a drink of lukewarm water. Silent scream. Head to cabinet to find old c-section meds that are out of date but decide it's worth the risk. Take one.
11:00 PM - Pain

Midnight - Pain. Start to itch. Is it the meds or am I starting to go crazy....from the starvation and dehydration?
1:00 AM - I start to act like an animal that needs to be caged with the incessant itching and the snaggle tooth and all...
2:00 AM- 4:00 PM - see above and throw in general irritation
5:00 PM - Almost attack my dental hygienist at church
6:00 PM- 9:00 PM- Superbowl party full of delicious food and drinks that the tooth will not allow me to indulge in. (I just ended that phrase in a preposition. Forgive me.)
10:00 PM - Pain. Contemplate taking Advil but realize this will require me swallowing water and decide it isn't worth the sharp shooting pain up my face
11:00 PM - see above
12:00 AM - see above
1:00 AM - see above
2:00 AM - see above
3:00 AM - see above
4:00 AM - watch the clock and imagine what I would be willing to do for anyone that can fix this tooth.
5:00 AM - Decide I might need to repent for the things I realized I was willing to do. Apparently, I have no standards or morals when it comes to pain.
6:00 AM - decide this justifies canceling my work-out
7:00 AM - pain
8:00 AM - call the dentist office
9:00 AM - pace back and forth in my house trying to decide the first thing I will eat when I have my life back.
10:00 AM - race to dentist office
10:30 - 11:30 - am happily high on some sort of crazy gas.
11:45 AM - skeptically taking my first sip of's a success.
12:00 PM to present - stuffing my face with everything in sight and declaring my undying love and devotion to my dentist. The kids look confused.

I vow to be a better person. I've been humbled.


Elizabeth Mullins said...

You are painfully hilarious! I hope everything stays in your head next time you run!

Gena said...

Oh, Sum. This is the reason I don't run 10 miles at a time. Or ever.......

Lisa said...

I agree with Elizabeth...You are so FUNNY! I love it! I am so sorry about the excruiating pain you've been in all weekend from the tooth, but at least others can enjoy hearing about it on your blog!

Beck said...

I feel bad that your pain brings me laughter! Hope you are feeling back to normal now (:

Wa Wa Waughs said...

What a terrible way to spend your Sat/Sunday!

Clint and Marilyn said...

So sorry...but thanks for the laugh!

Alissa said...

hahaha. oh my goodness gracious! it sounds like nothing i EVER want to take part in. glad you are feeling better!
p.s. are you training for the marathon?

Sara said...

Whew! I'm so glad you got in this morning. I was hating reading all of it hoping it was a good ending. And I'm glad that I booked an apt with your dentist today as he is one of the few on our insurance list.

Anna said...

You should tell your dentist that story...probably one he hasn't heard before :) Glad your feeling better!

Brandi said...

So glad you are all better now - but thanks for the story - it was hilarious! Atleast you got a really great story out of the deal! :)

Alyssa said...

So...what was the itching from? Old c-section meds? And seriously, you are a great writer. I feel like I was there having tooth pain as well.

The McDowells said...

How does a molar just fall out?! My mouth hurts thinking about it.

OK Chick said...

Way to go on the 10 miles!!! I saw you guys finish your run as I was on my way to the pool. I'm jealous you are already up to 10 miles! I feel like a loser. Oh and sorry about your tooth.

Meredith said...

That just may have surpassed the Whataburger beating as my favorite Lashley story of all time. Hope you're all better now...s\