I enjoy my kid's sports too much and it's scaring me.

I don't know how to say this without sounding like an imbecile so here goes: I'm too into Bode's sports. I get too much satisfaction out of it. I'm ashamed of myself, but I can't tame the beast.

But, seriously, look how cute:

What I'm not: A screamer. A you-better-win-at-all-costs person. A you-could-have-done-better parent. And because I'm not that kind of crazy, I have convinced myself that I've got a handle on this and that I'm a "balanced parent."

I'm an encourager. I pay lip service to things like teamwork and leadership and exercise and working hard at stuff. I say all the right things because I'm an educated person and I read fancy articles based on actual science.

But here's the sad truth about my life: Knowledge does not always equal wisdom. You're shocked. I know. Also, miniature baseball, football, and basketball teams aren't real. They matter not. I tell myself this on a regular basis. Yet, I love the whole, time-sucking thing.

I find myself canceling coffee dates to watch 9-year-olds try and pitch (bless). I've been known to reschedule actual meetings about important things like college kids' mental health so as to not risk being late to a flag football game (or as I like to call it, a fancy game of tag).  

Andy and I have had serious conversations, on a date no less, about how the basketball team is going to do this year. The third grade Oakdale basketball team.  I'm guessing this is defined as a new low.

There is this delicate balance between supporting your kids and their things and sending them the message that their performance is what gives them value in your eyes. It's some murky water and I don't want to get this wrong.

And when I feel myself getting a little left of center I try and make up for it by reminding Bode of all the gifts the Lord has given him and telling him how much fun the engineering program is in college.

And then he tells me that he won't have time for engineering because he will be playing basketball and baseball, which is very rare for college athletes but definitely not rare for him.

And I give up. For now.

I have a fever, and the only cure is more little league.