All you need to know about Great Wolf Lodge

Just got back from our annual Great Wolf Lodge trip. All three of my children love it. I tolerate it, for the sake of my children (all three of them).

Thankfully there is a Starbucks in the lobby and if you get super lucky your kid will win you a 3 foot long twizzler in the arcade. It's big enough to eat for breakfast or hang yourself with, whichever you prefer. 

There is no reason you need to enlarge this picture and analyze my make-up less face, chlorine hair, and horrid posture. So stop it. Now.

I also found out that there is a Torchy's Tacos exactly four miles down the road. If you don't care for expletives on your cups and painted on the walls, you might want to skip Torchy's. But then you wouldn't get to eat the best #@&* tacos on the planet and that would be a shame. If your kid reads the cups and sounds out the expletives, just act like its another language and you don't have a clue what it means. Or blindfold them. Either way, just go there.

Highlight of the trip, I stepped on a wet, used bandaid in the pool area. Then I cried and used the expletives that I learned at Torchy's.

Overall, great trip. Crowds were pretty low and the kids slept like babies. 

I am a church widow.

I take the kids to church by myself (consequently, I also get them ready by myself). I sit alone in bible classes, weddings, all funerals and most church services. Andy works about 12 hours most Sundays, so that's awesome. Many of our vacations are church related. People call my house at all hours of the day and night. One time Andy missed a family Christmas because he was at the church building and couldn't get away.  

But it's really not as bad as it sounds, once you get used to it. In fact, most of the blessings of the job far outweigh the challenges. And having the camaraderie and support of fellow ministry widows makes all the difference for me.  

I had the blessing and privilege of spending three days at a ministry wives conference with these lovely ladies.  We worshipped together, laughed together, and ate our weight in DQ Blizzards. 

We also came across this beauty. You can wear the butt of your jeans on your back for the amazing price of $95. 

 Sadly, being poor ministry widows, there was no way we could afford such a luxury.

 I am so thankful to my church for sending us away together for a couple of days.

 I tell ya, you can get through just about anything with a little help from your friends.

All things Mia

Mia's life can be summed up in one word: theater.

That's it. That's all she cares about. She doesn't care if she is the lead, the ensemble, or the toilet cleaner. The kid loves it. This show, in particular, has had a lasting impact on her. The story was very emotional and she spent her entire winter with these wonderful, interesting, exciting people. It makes coming back home to boring ole' Locust Lane all the more devastating. She hasn't stopped crying since Sunday.

I'm not sure what it says about my fashion sense when the costume designer tells me that Mia will need a "poor immigrant coat" and then looks at the coat she wore to rehearsal and says, "Actually, that one is perfect."

The backstage culture is so fascinating. Somehow these kids can knit, make jewelry, eat, do homework, watch movies, and make duct tape wallets while simultaneously singing every song and quoting every line that is happening on stage. All this and they never miss their cue. It's incredible.

Mia also learned to text. 

 She's currently at home learning to not text.

This picture sums up Mia very well. Most of the time she is perfectly content to observe the action from the sidelines. Here all the backstage kids are engrossed in a game of Uno and Mia is happily engrossed in a book.

I prayed that Mia would find her passion. 

And now I just pray that she doesn't major in it in college.

All things Bode

Bode's life can be summed up in three words: basketball, food, and teeth.

Currently, the only things Bode gives a rip about are playing basketball, watching basketball, accumulating basketball themed clothing, eating, talking about eating, planning and preparing for the next time he will eat, wiggling teeth, pulling teeth, and collecting cash from the tooth fairy (AKA Mia).

Before his Yaya bought him some "real basketball socks" he was wearing Andy's dress socks and pulling them up to his thighs. The heels of Andy's socks were dangling off of his calves. I totally let him go to school like this every day. It was not worth the battle.

Bode is now insulted by kids meals. Not only can he tear up an adult-sized meal, but he usually orders an extra something and eats my food. I don't know how I will afford him when he's a teenager.

And last but certainly not the least mortifying, Bode's mouth could be used for a Billy-Bob teeth mold.

Thankfully, a slip and fall took care of the latest tooth, and Supercuts did an amazing job with the haircut. It looks like a blind Edward Scissorhands got a hold of him.

Sunday, while waving a Bible in the air, his teacher asked what the greatest book in the world was. Bode emphatically yelled, "The Dictionary!"

This is the happiest, funniest, hungriest, sweetest kid you'll ever meet. He makes his toddler years so worth it.

I promise to never leave my kids again, unless someone asks me to go somewhere for a week and it requires me to travel alone in sweet silence, in which case I’ll say yes immediately.

I left my kids (oh ya, and my husband! – that exclamation point was a Freudian slip) this week to help my friend Darci. She’s only staying in a city she doesn’t live in with two children ages two and 4 months and receiving treatments for cancer. So basically, she’s on vacation.

I tell ya, when I got to Nashville and realized what all this girl is doing without so much as a Xanax, I was shocked, and then right after that I was totally humbled, and then right after that I called my doctor and asked if she would call me in a couple of Xanax.

She wouldn’t.  I digress….

This little jaunt to the south resulted in my husband taking over all parenting duties for a week. It just so happened to be tech week for the musical Mia is currently cast in. Tech week is basically the week parents vow to never allow their child to audition for another show again. On normal rehearsal nights the little kids get to leave at ten – which is still insanely late for a mom who likes to be in bed by 9 PM sharp. But during tech week everyone stays until the director starts bawling or you see sunlight.

It’s fun times, I tell ya, fun times!

While Andy was dying a slow death in the lobby of the theater I was having me a grand old time exploring the south. It’s weird that every time I go anywhere I wonder why in heaven’s name I live in Oklahoma.

Nashville is awesome for lots of reasons but the main one is that across the street from every lunch hotspot is an adorable little dessert shop that smells like straight butter. I made a point to visit every single one of them.

Additionally, the south is full of children’s boutiques with little boys clothing that looks like something John-John Kennedy would have worn. It took all my strength to not buy Bode a sailor suit. You’re welcome, Andy.

Currently, I’m on a plane flying home. The pilot just came over the loud-speaker and asked if there was a doctor on board. As luck would have it, there is no doctor, nurse, or Xanax sales representative. I thought about telling the flight attendant that I took infant CPR nine-years ago but, honestly, it was during my post-partum stupor and I don’t think I actually passed the class.

In 2 hours I will see my kids and vow to never go anywhere without them again. In four hours I will secretly take back that promise, but what they don’t know won’t hurt them.

 These three ladies have my whole heart:

 And they make for a great workout!

Totes Adorbs

My third grader used this phrase the other day and the urban dictionary confirmed that it's an actual thing. OMG. YGTBKM.

But if anything is totally adorable (that took so long to type out I had to take a break and come back to it) it's this kid baking cupcakes and delivering them to the neighborhood.

He asked me to post these pictures to Facebook and to be sure and let everyone know that he delivered them to the neighbors in the freezing cold all by himself. 

His humility is inspiring.

More reading - most of which only I would find fascinating.

These latest two reads were required for a class but I really enjoyed them both. I don't know if you have ever heard about the bell curve controversy (of course you haven't, it's a nerd thing) but if you don't have a life and want to dig deeper into intelligence and nature vs. nurture this topic is for you. 

If intelligence is basically genetic (like The Bell Curve suggests) then, welp, you're kinda up a creek. And is the American Dream achievable? And what about the underprivileged? Say it ain't so! Why is life so unfair?!? I need coffee or chocolate or a cocktail....anything! (That's only a snippet of the reaction I had to this book.)

And this book just tried to debunk everything in the above title. It made me feel a little more hopeful about the world. But not much. (It still required a lot of comfort in the form of food and caffeine).

Thankfully, I was reading this wonderful little nugget at the same time. It didn't restore my faith in humanity at all, but rather restored my faith on our Maker and Creator. Once again I feel I must apologize for the artwork on the cover (come on, Jen, you can do better!) but this is basically a step-by-step guide to journaling through the bible. I love it. I am currently journaling my way through Matthew and it is changing my life, I tell ya, changing. My. Life!

Currently, I am forcing all of my friends and acquaintances to take a battery of intelligence tests. It's required for a class, but I am loving it. I tested Andy for brain damage last night. My hypothesis and the actual results didn't add up on that one. Tonight's test - autism spectrum disorder. I'll find something wrong with that man if it kills me....

Of Late

Bode is a Heat fan. Translation: He's a frontrunner. {Until I had a son I never knew what the word frontrunner meant or that there was an NBA team called The Heat. Sometimes your life goes in a direction you never could have imagined.}

Anyway, the day the Thunder played the Heat he carried this sign around everywhere he went. I have no idea why. And the next day (after the Heat lost - suckers) he added the score to it and carried it around like a scarlet letter. It was equally hilarious, pitiful and completely nonsensical.

Once again, Mia is living at the theater. Which means I am living at the theater. Her latest show, Ragtime, has been the most challenging show she has ever done. It's not a children's show and it's not rated G. However, she is basically getting to live out an important history lesson which has lead to lots of interesting discussions on the way home (Mom, what's a negr0? Why were girls not allowed to get a job? How come people wanted to come to America so bad if Americans were mean to them?) It's been challenging. And also good.

 Theater kids. They pretty much sing everything they say. It gets...loud.

Mia will always be cast as the "typical American child." 

 Thank goodness for rainbow looms. They help pass the hours and hours and hours and hours and hours of waiting to be called on stage. 

(If you have 4 minutes, here is a little sneak preview. It's only a rehearsal but it gives you an idea of how talented this cast is.)

If you need her, she will be in downtown OKC making rubberband bracelets and singing about societal injustices until March 14th.

10 Reasons Why I'm Sick of Seeing the 10 Reasons I'm Getting it Wrong

Lemmetellyou, Facebook is the devil. Or at least it can be. Just this morning while scrolling through my news feed I see links to the following articles:

7 reasons why a wife injures her husband and doesn’t even know it

10 ways to teach your daughter to be kind

5 secrets to a better marriage

8 ways you shame your kids

10 ways to balance work and home life

10 reasons why you’re losing the battle and don’t even know it

5 ways to pray for your husbands

10 ways to pray for your kid

20 ways to pray for the world

50 reasons why you’re not enough

15 ways to get your kids to listen to you
20 reasons why your kids aren’t listening to you

....you get the point. It. Is. Ridiculous. I'm losing battles I didn't even know I was fighting, I'm ruining my husband's life without realizing it, I'm shaming my kids, my work life and home life are out of balance, and my kids will never listen to me.

I did not need 50 articles on Facebook to tell me this.

It has never been more obvious to me that this is a fallen world and we will never get it completely right because we are human. We are sinners. And we need grace.

I fear that we have become more dependent on Facebook links to give us life advice than we have on the bible, or our church community, or our trusted mentors.

Which begs the question: Is Facebook becoming our bible? Our community? Our main source of wisdom and guidance?

If I'm honest with myself I would have to say....I can't even say it. It's just shameful.

So here are ten reasons to quit depending on Facebook as your main source of information.

1. For the love of God, it's Facebook.

2. None of the articles on Facebook are inspired by God. (but the Bible is!)

3. Facebook is a time sucker. 

4. You can't believe everything you read. One person's personal experience can be powerful and       inspirational but should not necessarily be taken as law (Case in point, this blog post).

5. It's all just so stinkin' guilt inducing.

6. Self-help articles are not a replacement for real help. If your marriage is in trouble don't depend on a two page article to fix it. Get some help!

7. Nothing should replace the advice, divine help, and inspired, living word of the Bible. Period.

8. No matter how hard you try, you aren't going to get everything right. You're just not. And that's okay.

9. You're never going to be content without the grace and freedom that Jesus offers. 

10. See number 1.

I'm preaching to myself here. I'm not going to click on any more Facebook links that promise to make my life easier, my waistline thinner, or my kids happier. I'm going to seek answers to life's difficult questions from the One who made my life. 

And I'm also going to fail at this occasionally. And that, too, is okay.

There comes a time in every mother's life when she starts to enjoy Saturdays again.

My friends, there is hope.

I remember, not too long ago, when Saturdays were just a good day. A good day because if the delicate balance of the Universe was just right, you had an extra set of hands (not before 9 AM, mind you) to help you get through the day. These hands were attached to a man that you married, and at one time found irresistible (which got you into this mess in the first place), but that's all kind of a foggy memory at this point. And if you're super lucky, a couple of these Saturdays involve a grandparent or two, which makes it easier for you to scrub dried crusty stuff off of the high chair and shave both of your legs in a single shower period.

I get it. I've been there. And still, on occasion, am forced to revisit.

But recently I have come to look forward to Saturdays again. Not look forward like "I'm gonna party, shop, eat at the newest restaurant, and stay up all night giggling with my girlfriends." Let's not be ridiculous. (When I find that place again, I'll let you know.) But, look forward like "I can sleep past 8 if I want to and I don't have to negotiate a deal with the husband to go for a run."

It's awesome. This 9 and 6 year-old stage of life is, dare I say, glorious. They can basically keep themselves alive for a couple hour stretch and don't yet hate the sight of me (or me them).

Take this morning, for instance. I hear something about 7:30 AM and stumble into the kitchen to find this:

My oldest sitting at the breakfast table studying her bible bowl questions sipping a cup of hot tea (be still my heart, except the tea thing. Tea's for pansies.)

And this is the least surprising thing I'll see all day. Bode pretending (and by pretending I mean actually believing) that he is an NBA superstar.

Since the house isn't on fire, I will stumble back into bed where I will stay until I smell something burning or a child can bring me proof of blood.

Will it be quiet enough for me to fall back to sleep? Probably not. Will I have to fix/clean/rearrange several things. Absolutely. But, to me, it's totally worth it.

I'll admit that I was interrupted 6 times while trying to write this post. So things are still a touch crazy.

And I can live with that. In fact, I wouldn't want it any other way.

Want to read the bible this year and don't know where to start?

I know exactly how you feel. I know I need to. I kind of want to. But that's usually as far as I get.

If you're interested, read the New Testament with me! Go here to download the New Testament in 60 days. You can read it online, or if you have the YouVersion app you can add the plan to your phone.

It only takes about 25 minutes a day (or 12.5 minutes if you break each reading into two days). You can lock yourself in the bathroom for that long and no one will die. Trust me, I've done it. A lot. 

I quit parenting the last couple of weeks, consequently, I also quit blogging.

It turns out when I don't parent, I have nothing to blog about. I think there is a connection there somewhere...

This Christmas break I simply checked out of the whole mother thing. No bedtimes, no reading, no fruits and veggies, no limited screen time, no flossing.

It ruled.

It's no surprise that when my kids are left to their own devices one spends all her time creating tiny little masterpieces and the other just eats a bunch of crap.

They were both using their gifts to their fullest potential.

The lesson my kids learned this Christmas break is all good things must come to an end. Abruptly.

Last night I got my act together enough to set alarms and lay out school clothes. This morning I served fruit and yogurt (the kids acted like I was forcing arsenic down them), I dug out the back packs, and located exactly one lunch box.

I've had three cups of coffee and two Excedrin Migraines. So, basically what I'm trying to tell you is, I'm baaaaaacccckkkk.

I can't even...

The day Bode found out that the kindergartners at Oakdale were doing a play, he came home and said, "Mom, can you make sure we are in Disney World on December 17th because I am NOT going to be in the puppy dog play."

The next thing I know the same kid, who just last week clung to me like a leach when I tried to take him to children's bible hour at church, is singing the solo in said play. (It will come as no surprise that they threw Mia in the show for good measure and turned the song into a duet.)

And when I heard my two kids singing on stage I died, then I left my body, went to heaven, heard angels singing, came back into my body, and then came to consciousness. I may or may not have had a slight overreaction.

Just a couple of months ago this kid refused to go to school and initiated a stand-off that made me question my own will to live.  

Now, he loves his friends, loves the cafeteria food, and loves dodgeball days in P.E.

He couldn't be happier.
And I couldn't be more relieved.

Rude Awakening

After spending eight days in Disney World where the the temperature was a perfect 80 degrees, we came home to find out that hell actually did freeze over. You haven't lived until you've tried to leave your house in an ice storm and instead rolled backwards down your street while your children are in the backseat screaming that they don't want to die. It's. Awesome.

However, I will not let a measly ice storm cast a shadow over our perfect week in Florida. So perfect, in fact, that I actually ran into one of my best friends (and the glue of our small group) who moved to Virginia last year and I've been missing like crazy ever since:

 Three peas in a pod:

 Mia was one reason this trip was so awesome. This girl is in the zone in Disney World.

And this kid was finally tall enough to ride the coasters, which thrilled his Father way more than it thrilled him:

 Going on a trip like this with ten people is no walk in the park, but as I've always said, "With enough coffee anything is possible."

 Mia happened to be picked for every show, every parade, every possible opportunity to be in the spotlight, this girl was in it:

And Bode can still sleep anywhere, anytime, and in any position. "I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him." (For real, after having Mia I prayed my next kid would like to sleep.)

 These two little punks rode Tower of Terror about ten times.

After our 5th trip to Disney World my one piece of advice would be to hire my husband to plan your trip. The man is a Disney Nazi. And I mean that in a good way. His obsession with efficiency, navigation, timing, planning, and most bang for your buck is strangely awesome.

He's already planning our next trip. It's kind of a problem. A wonderfully exciting problem.